Games Games Games

Top 5 games I want to play this year:

5. Heavy Rain: So, I know little to nothing about this game and at first it looked bad, but I am slowly starting to really get excited about it. From what I can tell it's a thriller mystery that you are plopped into. What first made me dislike it is there are a lot of times, in all the videos I have seen, that show you having to hit buttons while the character is in the midst of a action scene. Something close to God of War I suppose. I hate that shit but I have come to realize that video games aren't always about game play but story can and should play a great role. I guess the games about some guy trying to get his son back and following multiple characters that are running on parallel tracks all related to that. That seems compelling enough to me. Oh, and I hear there is a stripper scene.



4. Super Street Fighter 4: I love street fighter. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Since renting Street Fighter 4 and playing it at my friends I can't get enough of it. The problem is none of my friends where I live currently like Street Fighter and I don't own any second gen consoles... Well I own a Wii but I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, since i love this game why wouldn't I want to play with more costumes, characters and ultra combos. There really isn't a answer to that question. I'm going to be messing people up all over again with Akuma L, R, and C or should I say LP, LP, ◄, LK, HP! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL



3. Diablo 3: I played the first and second in the series, especially the second, and know this one is going to have me stuck in front of my computer for days and days getting all the magic find I can. Blizzard has a way of refining a game until it is as good as it can be without the public's input. They know what makes up a good game and are completely willing to adapt to their demographic. Some people say this is a fault of theirs but I appreciate it. Sure, they might have "ruined" or should i say "changed" things in WoW that I enjoyed but, fuck, if they never changed they would die. That would be a shame to see such a great company, like this, go out of business because people don't like change. Anyway, back to the topic, Diablo looks great and I hear nothing but great things.



2. Metroid: Other M: Now, don't get mad, but i have never beaten Super Metroid, or even really played it. When I heard, though, that the new Metroid was being made by Team Ninja, creators of Ninja Gaiden, I was sold. I really have no information besides that and that's all I need. I have so much faith in Team Ninja that I have put this game as number 2 on my list.



1. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: At one point, a couple years ago, I decided to play a bunch of Castlevania games. I had heard that they were good so I downloaded some emulators and beat maybe four in a row. Then I played some on my little bros DS. They are great and this new one is 3 effing D. Now, I know what your thinking, "Ya? check out Castlevania for the 64" and i say to you "No, fuck off". I heard it was bad and I don't need to taint my view of Castlevania with that filth. The most promising thing about this new Castlevania and how I can get over it being 3D so fast is that it's being made by Kojima Productions. Ya, those guys that made Metal Gear. What I'm trying to say is I have a boner for vampire killing... Fuck you Twilight!

Area 5's Co-op

This here is my favorite online videogame show... or... er... the only one I watch. I, at one point, use to watch all my reviews at gametrailers.com, but one day they gave a great review to a shitty game and I have ceased watching any reviews from there. Actually I think they nominated Star Wars: Force Unleashed for game of the year or something like that and I lost my mind. Anyway, I really enjoy this show because they are honest and just tell you what they think about the games instead of giving some abstract number to define it. The humor is kinda lack luster but the candid conversations they have about what they have played that week and how they haven't put down the latest Castlevania or some indie game that came out for the iPhone remind me of conversations my friends and i have. Probably the biggest thing that i like about them is they focus on if its fun or not. A review they did for Red Faction: Guerrilla is a good example. I never played the game so i don't know how good or not it is but they said all the things about what the disliked and all the things they did liked and finished with something like "but its really fun to knock buildings down". that's all i needed to hear.

Check it out at there website here of there Youtube channel here.

Freelance Whales

I just found this album on my ipod. I had lent it to my friend Robbie because I didn't have a computer to put music on it or even to charge it so I had no use for it. I just got a laptop so I asked for it back only to find that there are a shit load of bands I don't know on it. This is one of them. Freelance Whales. I have been giving most of the bands a chance but this is the first one that sounds great without me listening to them twelve times to get use to the sound. I don't know what that means for their longevity but they sound great right now so... umm... who gives a fuck?

Weathervanes, an album by Freelance Whales. Go find it you lazy assholes. I'm not linking shit.

The Goon

So I met this girl at the bar and we started talking about comic books. I was telling here how I have been liking Alan Moore lately just like everyone else and she tells me about this comic book The Goon. The next day my friends go out again and I vote not to, I guess she was out and brought the first issue with her for me to borrow.

I read it and it was great. Very facetious but still playful. My friend Brett doesn't like characters like this but I'm in love with them. The characters i mean are the ones with no rivals. That's who The Goon is, a man with no rival. He walks into a room of baddies and shit kicks them until they are bloodied and dead and then he walks out while his friend and partner Franky says something sly. its almost like watching a Adam West's batman episode but with mutants, zombies, ghosts, monsters, demons and Santa Claus.

I have a feeling I will soon have read all of these comics and be left wanting more.

NO HOMO!

My friend and I were talking and he brought up that he hates when people use the expression "no homo". I had no idea what he was talking about but I'm sure I agreed with something like "ya, those fucking queers". He went on to tell me that it's a rap thing and that he doesn't like that people are using it candidly. To me, it seems like a ridiculous expression and not nearly as funny as yelling "I'm not gay!" but I guess he can be mad at whatever he likes, hes a big boy. I heard the expression again when I was playing dodge ball and some guy was talking about doing some sexual act to another guy. This intrigued me because up until that point I figured it was potential that my friend (who we will call Murphy because I'm sick of typing "my friend") made the whole thing up. I asked my other friend (who we will call Jaymes to keep this simple) about "no homo" and he shows me THIS!!!

Movie Review: Legion

*SPOILERS*

So, today I discovered that I like watching bad movies at the theater almost as much as I do good ones. I become just as animated about how bad it is as when it's good, maybe even more. Looking back at this movie I became pretty animated. Now, bear with me, I'm running on four hours of sleep and it's 1:28 AM so I'm a little sluggish and I have been having a hard time articulating thoughts today.

The movie is about god getting sick of "the bullshit" so he sends a "extermination" to kill off all humanity but one child can save everyone. Neat huh? I would say not at all. The archangel Micheal, played by Paul Bettany, comes down to earth to save humanity by ensuring that this baby is born. This is probably the flimsiest storyline I have ever heard. Lets just think about it for a second. God is divine. Wait... first I'm going to tell you that I'm no Jesus freak but I did go to catholic school my whole educational life. I would say I'm agnostic if anything and that these rant my opinions but the mythology that the writers are using for the movie. OK, so back to legion. God is divine so a choice by him to exterminate humanity wouldn't be stopped by a child. It just doesn't make sense. How is a child going to grow up to save humanity when heaven is on a different plain then earth and god created both of them. I get that "its just a movie" and I have to buy into something like that but logic should still be a part of writing.

As I watched I continually found myself asking "why?". Why the fuck are these characters doing the things they are doing? They all felt two dimensional. That the writers didn't think about what motivated people to say or do anything. They just had a story board that they needed to follow so they jimmy rigged some dialog and actions together to follow it. It was all very frustrating because I can imagine the story board being only four panels and the writers having the combined education of a twelve year old boy. It got progressively worse as the movie went on. Let me start with the tools god is using to kill off humanity in the film. First he has angels possess people of weak will, or something like that, suddenly turning the movie into some sort of zombie flick because these people seem to become mindless and reckless, not to mention demonic looking and evil. I sat there wondering why these "angels" aren't using tactics and weapons to attack Micheal and his motley crew of people that are held up in a diner. They would just run at the building, straight into bullets. Even without tactics and weapons their sheer numbers begin to overwhelm the people in the diner but then they stop. Micheal goes on to say that god just tested their strength and "now hes going to test out weakness". Why the fuck would he do that. If your going to bomb a county your not going to start by sending in unarmed soldiers to see if they can take it. You are going to bomb the shit out of it and hope nothing is alive afterward. After that, god sends actual angels and as if I wasn't boggled before by the idea of sending these possessed people, I was after seeing the archangel Gabriel kick the shit out of everyone. Early in the movie you see thousands of angels flying around, then just Gabriel kicks the crap out of everyone. Why not send all of them and do it right?

I have just come to the conclusion that I will be writing for a long time if I continue telling you about the flaws of this film. Just take my word for it that it is horrible but so much so that you will have lots to talk about afterward and, if youre like me, you will enjoy the conversation. This movie is getting 3.7 mindless, angel possessed, shark toothed persons out of 10.

Fuck ya Danger Doom!

So I have been really liking MF Doom lately. Well, mostly this Danger Doom album The Mouse & The Mask. I have only heard the first few songs but it sounds great. I listened to Born Like This, which is Dooms latest album, a bit at work and really enjoyed the one song Batty Boyz and since then I am falling more and more in love with him.

I would embed the Batty Boyz song in here for you to listen to but i don't know a good spot to do it from... so just go listen to it at hypem.com.

Kick-Ass

I have a feeling that I'm going to read the comic and disappoint myself when i see this but for now i have the biggest boner for this trailer.

sorry about the video sizing...

Movie Review: Book of Eli

*SPOILERS*

So, I just recently watched Book of Eli. I have to say I really enjoyed it. Well, everything except the ending, but I'll get back to that later. The movie is about a wanderer, played by Denzel Washington, taking a book west. He doesn't know where he is going, just that he is going west.

The movie starts just like any other post apocalyptic film but with Denzel Washington. He's walking around doing the "I'm scavenging the earth looking for food and stuff" thing and that's cool. Though, I keep wondering how he keeps all his clothes so clean. It doesn't bother me to much but its just one of those things. You look at everyone else and they are covered in dirt and then there's Denzel. He might as well have been in a pinstripe suit. Once I got over that, though, the movie really picks up.

There are two points that really stick out for me in the film: this line that Denzel says before killing a bunch of dudes under a bridge and a scene where hes "escaping" from the villain of the film, played by Gary Oldman, for the first time. Denzel always has a way about delivering lines, for example, that line from man on fire where he puts C4 in the guys ass on a timer; the last thing he says is "I wish I had more time" but how he says it makes him sound so effing cool. Anyway, this was one of those moments. The "escape" that I mentioned stands out because it's not much of an escape at all. It's pretty much Denzel walking away while killing everyone. That scene was only maybe twenty minutes into the film and right after it I leaned over to my friend in the theater and told him I would be happy with the film if it ended right there. That's how impressed I was with it.

now don't get me wrong, this movie doesn't say Oscar potential. Its an action film disguised with religious overtones but if you want to watch a bad ass killing people despite his motives or you want to see a dude kill a bunch of people in the name of god for a greater good then check this out.

Oh, Gary Oldman was pretty sweet too. I'm not terribly in love with him, though, he is in so many great films I had to mention him. I'm sure if the movie was more fresh in my head I would have more to say about him but does it say something that I don't?

OK, good stuff aside, now I can get to things I disliked about the film. I'm going to start with Mila Kunis. She plays this girl that is in the town where Denzel meets Gary. She is the daughter of Gary's lady friend. All I know about this lady friend is that her name is Jennifer Beals and that she was in the TV show the L word. Back to Mila. I didn't like this chick at all. I don't find her that attractive and she has never done anything to blow me away. Really, I think she just hasn't picked a bold enough role in a film so I hold no respect for her yet. I get over all these things pretty quick normally but in this case the one thing that really bothered me and accentuated those things I previously mentioned is in a interview with Mila I saw prior to watching the movie she mentions that in so many films the female is in the background where as in this film she will accompany Denzel in the foreground as a strong independent woman. I'm paraphrasing of course but despite what she said this is the impression she left me with. I thought about this every time she was on the screen and she disappointed me every time. Especially at the end.

Forgiving all those unspeakable sins that Mila did (mostly lie) the worst part of this movie was the ending by far. It ends with Denzel dieing and Mila over his grave giving a flower or something. Then a man asks Mila "what are you going to do?" and she says shes going to go home. Now when Denzel was alive she couldn't handle dick about shit and after he dies shes empowered? shes heading back to her "home" where she was practically a slave despite being able to stay at this haven that her and Denzel find. Gary even forces her to go have sex with Denzel at one point, luckily Denzel is a man of god and doesn't fuck her till she cries... because she would because shes a little baby that cant handle anything. To top off this ridiculously cliche ending she puts on Denzels backpack which was with him throughout the movie and pretty much represents him. I guess to take his place or something and save her mother.

In closing this movie was pretty good but the ending sucked so much that if I watched it again I would just turn it off after Denzel dies.

Ummm 7.5 Denzels out of 10

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