Movie Review: Legion

*SPOILERS*

So, today I discovered that I like watching bad movies at the theater almost as much as I do good ones. I become just as animated about how bad it is as when it's good, maybe even more. Looking back at this movie I became pretty animated. Now, bear with me, I'm running on four hours of sleep and it's 1:28 AM so I'm a little sluggish and I have been having a hard time articulating thoughts today.

The movie is about god getting sick of "the bullshit" so he sends a "extermination" to kill off all humanity but one child can save everyone. Neat huh? I would say not at all. The archangel Micheal, played by Paul Bettany, comes down to earth to save humanity by ensuring that this baby is born. This is probably the flimsiest storyline I have ever heard. Lets just think about it for a second. God is divine. Wait... first I'm going to tell you that I'm no Jesus freak but I did go to catholic school my whole educational life. I would say I'm agnostic if anything and that these rant my opinions but the mythology that the writers are using for the movie. OK, so back to legion. God is divine so a choice by him to exterminate humanity wouldn't be stopped by a child. It just doesn't make sense. How is a child going to grow up to save humanity when heaven is on a different plain then earth and god created both of them. I get that "its just a movie" and I have to buy into something like that but logic should still be a part of writing.

As I watched I continually found myself asking "why?". Why the fuck are these characters doing the things they are doing? They all felt two dimensional. That the writers didn't think about what motivated people to say or do anything. They just had a story board that they needed to follow so they jimmy rigged some dialog and actions together to follow it. It was all very frustrating because I can imagine the story board being only four panels and the writers having the combined education of a twelve year old boy. It got progressively worse as the movie went on. Let me start with the tools god is using to kill off humanity in the film. First he has angels possess people of weak will, or something like that, suddenly turning the movie into some sort of zombie flick because these people seem to become mindless and reckless, not to mention demonic looking and evil. I sat there wondering why these "angels" aren't using tactics and weapons to attack Micheal and his motley crew of people that are held up in a diner. They would just run at the building, straight into bullets. Even without tactics and weapons their sheer numbers begin to overwhelm the people in the diner but then they stop. Micheal goes on to say that god just tested their strength and "now hes going to test out weakness". Why the fuck would he do that. If your going to bomb a county your not going to start by sending in unarmed soldiers to see if they can take it. You are going to bomb the shit out of it and hope nothing is alive afterward. After that, god sends actual angels and as if I wasn't boggled before by the idea of sending these possessed people, I was after seeing the archangel Gabriel kick the shit out of everyone. Early in the movie you see thousands of angels flying around, then just Gabriel kicks the crap out of everyone. Why not send all of them and do it right?

I have just come to the conclusion that I will be writing for a long time if I continue telling you about the flaws of this film. Just take my word for it that it is horrible but so much so that you will have lots to talk about afterward and, if youre like me, you will enjoy the conversation. This movie is getting 3.7 mindless, angel possessed, shark toothed persons out of 10.